Currently Listening to: 98 Degrees - This Gift and have a headache :(

Well after last nights entry, i ended up letting it out and found out a few things.
How i much i mean to that person and stuff.
Who knws im wanting to believe it but then theres part of me that is making me believe that i dnt mean much.
If things like this keep on happening over and over again is it worth it all? I knw this is something that ill have to ask myself and answer it on my own but really, u cnt help the way you feel about someone right?!
I like him so much!! His my best friend!! Who ever thought id end up being this guys gf and all from going to subbies.LOLz.
Do i regret anything thats happened?!HELL NO! I dnt regret anything. Everything this guy and i have been through from the funniest moments as in forgetting i had my webcam on one night on MSN to him and while chatting on IRC and MSN like i always do, and then falling off my chair coz my 2 sisters [ Liz and Lisa ] said something totally funny that it made me fall off my chair. The next thing i knw sped head msgs me and goes-

jed: " wdf happened?! did u jst fall off ur chair?!HHAHAHAHA are u ok jojo!? "
jo: " OMGULAYZ!! He saw it all!!!HOW EMBARRASSING!! "

To then freaken seeing this guy drunk [ though i was pretty trashed myself ] at my pre bday bash @ UR last September and having to sit outside for a while to let him get a bit of fresh air coz he got kicked out for being to intoxicated and waiting for like 10 minutes in the rain!
The things i did for this guy!!LOLz jkz.
Though our first 3 months were kinda fckd.One of us always re-thinking about how they feel and not knowing what to do but in the end always saying we'll see how it goes.But it was mainly the male that was unsure of his feelings not the female ok.Id say they were pretty much the worse 3 months of my 2004.Who ever knew my best friend would give me that effect aye?!After UR that night i get online and read his blog and he left a lil note to me and it made me feel a whole lot better. :D

Anyways, on another note i keep getting sick all of a sudden.
First i get a fckd virus where i cnt eat anything but drink coke?! I got this virus in yr 12 and it was one of the worse 3 days of my life. NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT!!Oh gzz.. :\ and then it happens to me again!!Then now im getting these bad head aches and they seem to be always coming and going.Then when i try to eat, i feel even more sick and the head aches come back if not not worse.Its freaken pissing me off.I also get times where ill get dizzy and or jst feel really weak. Its terrible.But as my sped said - Time for a lil trip to see the doctor.Its the smart thing to do right now.
But im thinking ill give this till friday and if i still feel this fckd, then go to the doctors. Im thinking it maybe my lack of sleep.Since Trans Red and then starting tafe the following Monday was the worse.But i guess and hoping its only lack of sleep.

To my sped -
Sorry about last night ok.Didnt mean to snap like i did or usually do.Ill try not to snap like that when i want to talk about things next time.I said " I'll Try " there ok so dnt be a bumbum head that you are and say i did LOLz so slack to me babe.Always trying to play with my head.jkz.
I think its jst we havent seen each other in a while and i was use to seeing u atleast once every 2 weeks. Im just missing you heaps sped head jed!!You better be going to ur classes this sem!!LOLZ no Cigi breaks and shit.To bad im not at gong campus anymore. I could have stopped by at times when and if you had breaks.LOLz no more calling me while im in class asking for yossies!!
TCCIC babe!mwahz xoxo ur spedlet

" imma be the one that makes u smile, after u wipe away ur tears and dry ur eyes " 

Currently: Feeling shitty and freaken tired...

FINALLY!! My rooms done!! Iv spent the last 2 days moving my shit into my room and im fcking tired.
Other then that im really in a pissed off mood coz heard some shit but jst dnt wna freaken fight. Right now im not bothered and cnt be fckd to yell coz iv been yelling at my family since i got home from tafe coz no one over here helped me move my furniture in.

I mean when you ask someone to come out with you one night and stuff and they say no, then they tell you a week later " oh yea might be going here to such and such this weekend " and its on the same night as the thing you asked them to come to the previous week, you'd feel annoyed, frustrated and shit.You knw they're gna end up going so you jst say it they'll end up going.
Then it goes to show, how much they wna try to make things work out.
Even if they said a few days ago that it wnt happen again. Yea right it jst did. Not to mention the conversation that was bought up that night as well.
Having these thoughts arent a good sign.
It keeps happening and happening and im not seeing any progress...

Currently: Crying my eyes out again and thinking....

Just another boring saturday day....woke up and ate breakfast, watched tv and cleaned a lil.
Deceided that it was a pj day.
So iv been bumming and netting since then. I then thought id go empty my IRC logs, and i came across one i had with paulie.
Right now im feeling absolute shit and so depressed.
Its jst what we talked about and how much i remember that day and him making me laugh like an idiot and actually falling off my chair coz the funny stuff he was saying.
Then as i kept reading he was telling me of some stuff dat i dnt wna get into. So far iv only spoken to shaneymon about it and waiting and wanting and hoping liz and lisa will log on soon for me to tell them.I feel so depressed and scared right now.But as my dad and my brother work on the floor boards in my new room, we have the stereo in the living room cranking a filo cd. Then when this certain song started playing and i read pauls log, the lyrics to the filo song made me cry even more and miss him even more.
Though the lyrics are about love, i was thinking of how we all loved him as a brother and close friend.

Currently: Watching Alicia Keys on Operah

Damn Alicia Keys is fckn mad!! I love her voice.
Anyways as i mello out to this girls voice, im thinking how should i layout my room
once its finally been re-painted and the floor boards are layed on.
Im thinking a very girly kinda room, but then im like nah not to girly coz im not that girly. Am i?
But my plans have been ruined and i dnt get a new bed jst yet.
The rest of my new furniture is coming..well i have to go pick it all and stuff but yea...waiting on my new bed!! Stoopid brother has picked the same bed as me :\ so now im gna have to wait and jst find a new one.

It was also my brothers O WEEK. Bloody uni.LOLz jkz. His heaps excited.
He had some dance party thingo at the uni bar last night and im like thinking...
his not 18 yet!

jerome: " i got some dance party/ club thing on at the uni bar tonight!I cnt wait!!! "

me: " um ... sorry to kill ur fun, bubble whatever you wna call it, but ur not 18 till next week buddy.."

jerome: " yea i knw, but the events 17+... how cool huh!?Its gna be great fun! "

me: " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!![ Falls off chair even ]
17+?!OMGULAYZ thats the funniest thing ever!!Well one but OMGULAYZ!!HAHA!!!
So is a cordial party then since theres 17 yr olds or what!? "

jerome: " u idiot..."

me: " i knw i knw!! im not dumb but its jst something anyone would have to say...
u still cnt drink!sucked in"
jerome: " shut up "

Then last night, im laying in bed in pain over this damn virus iv had for like 3 days,
and i get a msg from jerome.

msg: THEY CHECKED ME AS 18!!!WOOOHOOOO!!Have fun at home stinky poo head!!bye!

Great huh!?I woke up this morning and found him on the couch and
freaken he looked like he would wake up with the worse ever hang over.
LOLz But i still havent seen him since then.
His back at the uni to do some ilip tests whatever they are...
Anyways other then that ill be back later...
gna clean my room a lil more well whats left of it.
Everything else is boxed up!! argh!! tc