Currently Listening to: Rob Thomas - Lonely No More
Feeling: Very Sick
Well today has got to be my saddest day of the year so far....
Happy 20th Birthday Paulie.
Some of us went to go see him today and greet him a happy birthday and man was it sad but a beautiful thing. The weather was perfect although a little to hot, but sunny nice afternoon to celebrate a good friend, a brother, cousin, son and boyfriend's birthday.
Although he isnt on earth physically with us now, you could tell he was there with us in spirit.
We got to Livo Cemetary and received greetings from his family and friends and lizzie and shaneymon helping out with blowing up balloons.
After a few minutes of waiting for a few more ppl, we all walked down together to where his laid to rest.
We all took turns of going up and paying our respects and then sang happy birthday to him, well tried amongst all our tears, and then on Kissy's count of 3, we all let the balloons that had messages for him go and watched then drift away into the sky for him to capture and read how much we badly miss him.
But after they got stuck in the tree that is...LOLz im sure he would of been laughing up there at us cause since we're all thinking "there you go paulie..for you...happy birthday!" Untill they got stuck in the tree and we all chuckled at it.
After that... his family handed out KFC and drinks, though i think no one had the appietite to eat or was just shy. But majority of us had a drink.
Seeing paulie today for the first time since i first heard of the accident and since i got back from overseas finally felt good but bad at the same time. Good because i finally got this heavy burden type thing removed for not coming to see him as soon as i got back from philsz like i said to myself when i was over there but bad cause looking at where he lays is just a shock to me cause his dear life ended so soon and to soon. Also the fact that i didnt get to see him when i could last year and i said i would. Not only that, but the day before i left for over seas, he wanted to meet up and see me before i went and personally greet me a merry xmas and happy new yr before i left but mad plans with my bf already and he insisted of me just spending the day with jed.
He asked me to get him a mad zippo instead and i guess that was partly why he wanted to meet up as well...to give me money to buy him one. But i said no dnt wry about it and think of it as a xmas present from his lil sister.
Today i finally gave him his present personally and sorry to add swearing to this when i said to myself not to so its a nice sweet thing for his bday but seriously...FCK! When i finally got the guts to walk up there to give it to him...i had to get Lizzie to come with me to go give it to him. Thx so much Lizzie for coming up with me. Seeing his picture there amonst the flowers and everything else felt so bad. I cant belive a person that kind sweet and caring can be taken from everyone who loved him so soon.
I cant believe iv lost a friend so soon.
I always thought that i would grow old and talk about the good old days with the people i hold close to but now, it feels like that dream's going to be shattered and i should get use to it.
Also having a birthday cake there for him and reminding me that his gone and that i have to get use to it made me realise how much i more i should value my friends and close loved ones.
But to end this blog chapter for today, id like to say -
Paulie .... Happy Birthday bro. Todays celebration for you was the most touching and beautiful but saddest day of this year for. Come to think of it day of my 20 yr old life. Knowing we were celebrating your 20th birthday today and not having you with us physically sucked azz so much but we knew you were there in spirit. Hope you love the balloon idea that ur sweet strong gf and lizzie thought of and all the lil gifts you got. Also had a good laugh at us starring into the sunset watching ur balloons fly away but get stuck in the tree for a bit. Hope you Love everything else that was done for you today. I miss you and hope your happy up there and watching over us all. Happy 20th Birthday Paulie....
R.I.P Paulie 10:04:85 - 12:12:04
On another note..i thought i wouldnt end this blog so depressing....I Love it when my brother does a close at work. LOLz FREE KFC!! Yes, thats right FREE!! LOLz and he usually gets the fresh cooked chicken, bread rolls, P&G, twister bread, Gravy, Burger Rolls..yea basically whats left over. Even the corn!!! LOLz
Anyways... a BIG BIG Thank You to my baby for spending the last 2 days with me esp. today.
Yesturday we went shopping for him at DFO and Hurstville where he bought 2 pairs of shorts - 1 denhim and one in those golfing type ones which i also want a girls pair coz i find them very sexy if dress them up, and he also got a very funky green Industrie jacket which i also think is pretty sexy and will on him. But looking for the right colour jeans he wanted just annoyed me!! Then today, we went to para and looked around there for his jeans and any other things he may want to buy but walked out with only this funky white beanie!! Baby's got pretty good taste in some stuff but hella picky! After that went to cabra and ate some food before meeting up with Lisa and Sid and heading off to see paulie.
Thx again for coming with me this afternoon babe. Means heaps to me having you there just for support for me and our friends. Sorry if i kinda got u bored during the day though. I had fun just trying to find what you bloody liked. Owe you one for today babe.
Despite everythings that seriously happened, i now just take things as they come.
Happy 9 Months Anniversary Babe.
Posted at 12:37 am by aznbubigirl
